finale

seven hundred and forty eight days ago:

you convinced me to say yes. i knew i wasn't a hundred percent sure, and i knew it was unfair to you...i think i just liked the idea of having someone being there for me, and who loved me, even though i did not reciprocate those feelings.

being with you was so easy, at first. of course it was easy. you thought you were so lucky, after all the chasing, and your perseverance, you had what you thought you finally wanted. it was the honeymoon phase, as they call it.

but then, things changed. we both changed. i fell in love...and you fell out. now i was the one who thought you were everything, thought that i was so lucky. i guess it was karma, teaching me a lesson.

you threw away everything, before the year was over. you didn't give me a second thought, you were unfaithful, you hid away like a guilty little child who knew he had been caught dipping his hand in too many candy jars.

yet you never took up the courage to end it. to do the right thing by me, even though i was begging you to. "don't lead me on." i said. "i understand, things change." but still you insisted on taking the chances i handed out like free samples on the street. i kept hoping you would come back to me. i thought you still meant those three words you say but never show.

now i know better. now is the final straw. i have wasted two years of my life, and i am not ready. but you are not worth the fight anymore.

squaddles dee dee

you know you had me at -

"cool t-shirt babe" .

(fooled you! you thought I was going to end with hello didn't you? this aint the jerry maguire blog dude.)

annnddd i think i will stop before this post becomes the deep pan crusted cheese pizza i consumed for dinner. this blog needs coagulated milk protein as much as my body needs a gazillion calories. clearly my witty, artistic style is still evermore nonexistent. perhaps you shall see me in another 318 days.

...are you impressed at how effortlessly I just happened to calculate the length of my absence? well don't be. it took a lot, too much, effort on my part.

toodles.

how to be a huge ass fool

give all you have to someone that doesn't give two shits, not even one.

you are all fcking wrong. i rather feel nothing than this. i want absolutely freakin NOTHING.

Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight
I need help believing, you're with me tonight.

You play dead, but you never bled.

acts in futility.

what is the point in pretending to ask for my permission, when your mind is already made up & your plans prearranged?

why should i continue to grant approvals and oks when they have no legs to stand on? they are merely passive words to soothe your conscience.

too bad, i no longer feel like acquiescing to your acts with questionable motives.

I'll open up and be your parachute,
and I'll never let you down.

So open up and be my human angel,
and we'll only hit the ground,
running...running.

did you see those huns? they popped out of the snow, like daisies!