confessions pt. II

(couldn't help myself with the title)

though i admit my behaviour for the past month and more has been tedious to put up with, i wish to defend myself.

of course i understand that there is such things as a pure platonic male/female relationship, and i don't give a rats ass about you having many many of these lovely platonic bonds. however, when it turns into a situation where

- you can't go a day without thinking about a girl,
- or a day without talking to a certain girl,
- or a day without having contact with that girl,

i start to question the level of your so called platonic-ness. i understand if you have friends that are close & dear to your heart, friends that you care about like family, i have them too. but i must say, i would be able to survive quite well without having to talk to them for 24 hours. heck one of them is now living 160km away (which is 160km further than your little girl friend) and it cuts me everytime i go to work and know she's not there eating donuts or watching youtube. but i survive (albeit with frequent spamming on fb).

maybe i could accept that you have a girl you need to talk to everyday if it weren't for the fact that somehow you are always initiating conversations with her in the middle of ours (of course, it could be my fault if i am too dull to hold your interest, in which case DON'T FCKING BE WITH ME. let me go bore someone who doesn't mind).

you argue that i should trust you. most people say once someone has broken their trust once, they never trust that person again. but hey, we're sooooo, like, in love or whatever right? you have no idea how much i would give to trust you like i did before christmas, but i am trying. even though YOU ARE NOT HELPING. is this some sort of test (although why I should be the one tested is beyond me) that i'm failing? let's see how many girls you can flaunt in my face without me cracking. ok, you win, i've cracked. the last time you had to talk to a girl everyday and couldn't stop thinking about her, that was me. oh hello. what a nasty coincidence.

it is the same thing every day, every week. same shit, different girl. what is it about them? do you want them to like you, so if we fall through you have a safety net? once a player always a player right? i get that people feel good about themselves knowing that the opposite sex finds them attractive, i don't get off on that personally, but i won't judge. but once you have a 'significant other', shouldn't that stuff not matter anymore? why would you care if a girl likes you or not, or worse, why would you still want them to like you? maybe i seem 'aggro' or angry, but it's always at the same thing, so maybe it's not just me chucking a hissy fit, maybe it's that you never learn the lesson.

i can't take this anymore. because it hurts, and each time is like a papercut. and one million paper cuts, let me inform you, does kill you. if you really did love me you would end this, because maybe you don't realise it, so i will spell it out for you. if you think about another girl while texting your girlfriend and you can't go a day without talking to her, then YOU LIKE HER. do us both a favour and stop using me because i'm safe.